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The Small Penis Guru: Big Gifts in a Small Package

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After 47 years of in the field research, I can honestly say that I have the smallest adult penis I have ever seen.

woman with magnifying glass

I will not bore you with the thousands of hours scanning locker rooms, gauging public showers, and peaking over urinal partitions. Two examples should suffice.

“I’d be happy with 4 inches”

When I was in college, I went on a ski trip with my beautiful blonde girlfriend. At her parent’s cabin, we ended up watching a comedy show with her older brother. On the show, Sam Kinison was joking about how women should be satisfied with his 4 inch penis.

“Are you satisfied with 4 inches?” my girlfriend’s brother asked.

“I’d be HAPPY with 4 inches,” quipped my girlfriend.

Of course, she gave me a hug and said that she was kidding, but you know what they say about all jokes containing a bit of truth–in this case, a very small bit.

In the Land of Small Penises

Years later, I went to Japan, the land of the small penis. A close friend picked me up at the airport and took me with a bunch of his surfer friends to a furo, a Japanese bathhouse.

Like all my previous visits to public showers, I came out of the locker room in my boardshorts.

“You can’t wear those in here,” my friend laughed. “You have to be naked.”

Great. Naked with a bunch of guys I had just met. But I figured that we were all of Japanese descent, so it couldn’t be that bad.

When I entered the bathhouse, I quickly realized that I was not only small in America, but Japan as well. My friend and his buddies looked at me with that combination of sympathy and awe that I had learned to recognize over the years. Needless to say, I did not find anyone in Japan who I could belittle.

What a small penis can do for you

Having to live an entire life with a small penis, I have learned to look for the silver lining. As counter-intuitive as it sounds, there are benefits to being under-endowed.

  1. Ego Check I’ve always had a huge ego. I thought I was so cool in high school. All the music I listened to was not only the coolest music, but I had discovered it first. “Duran Duran. I was listening to them when they were just called Duran.”

    When I was a surfer in college, I thought that anyone who didn’t surf was clueless. Even today, I catch myself looking at others with condescending thoughts of “you should meditate.”

    But whenever my ego gets too inflated, I back off because I know that my whole world could be shattered with the exposure of one pin-sized prick.

  2. Self-Love I’m not referring to the necessity for men with small penises to make love to themselves because they fear being rejected by women. I’m referring to self-compassion.

    When we recognize our inadequacies, yet are able to find something in ourselves worth loving, we come to a powerful place of acceptance and gratitude.

    At one point, I just told myself, “I love how small I am.” I learned that the only person who can truly make me feel inadequate was myself.

  3. I know my wife loves me Unlike other men, I never have to question whether my wife married me for great sex. Since I’m positive that she didn’t marry me for money as well, I can be pretty sure that she loves me for who I am, not how big a man I am.
  4. Pain-free
    penis in zipper

    I never had to worry about this kind of pain

    I’ve heard all kinds of men complain how they get rashes from friction or accidentally catch the tip of their member in their clothing. The best example is the zipper scene in There’s Something About Mary. I never have to worry about getting “the beans above the frank.” In fact, I have tons of room in pretty much any pair of jeans, even the tight fitting ones.

  5. Empathy with Women As a man, I tend to lack of empathy with women. But as an Asian American male I occupy the liminal space between male and female. Asian men in America have always been seen as feminine and asexual. Relegated to “female professions” such as cooks and laundry workers, Asian male immigrants have never been seen as real men.

    Looking down and seeing a lack of phallus my whole life has made me sensitive to female struggles for power. This empathy with female oppression guides my purpose in life. I am devoted to cultivating what I have termed Counter-Patriarchal Compassion in our society. I’m not sure I would even be aware of this issue had I been a “real man” with the raw, masculine power of a big phallus.

Although some may see me as an object of ridicule, I can honestly say that I see myself as “half-man/half-amazing.”

Thank you for reading, sharing, and/or smiling.

Is there a silver lining to your inadequacies? Please share.



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