Looking back at my childhood, I realize that it wasn’t the 10 years of physical abuse by my step-father that hurt the most; it was watching my mother stand idly by as I screamed for mercy. Don’t get me wrong, I love my mom. That was part of the problem.
Until recently, my whole life has been a desperate attempt to become loveable. As an Asian American growing up in the 80s, I loved this country. Yet my love was often rejected with angry chants of “go back to where you came from.”
In high school I was a Mod. When my girlfriend ran off with my best friend, I rode around on my Vespa scooter screaming the lyrics to “Love, Reign O’er Me” by The Who. I used to argue with “me Mum” in a false Cockney accent. She must have thought I was “daft.”
When I learned to drive, I became obsessed with surfing because it was the coolest sport I could find. I dated beautiful blonde sorority girls in college, not so much for their intrinsic beauty, but for the way they made me appear more American.
I wanted to be famous, American, loved. My whole life could be summed up in one corny song, “Looking for Love in All the Wrong Places.”
The sad part is that there were many who loved me along this path, but I scorched them out of fear that they would not protect me in my time of need.
After a huge life-changing event where my wife stood by me when anyone else would have left, I realized that not only am I loveable, but I am love. We are all love. We are all searching for a love that we already have. Life tricks us into believing that we are lack when in “reality” we are abundance.
My purpose now is to give love to others who are searching. To help them realize the love within. I do this with my words, my smiles, my {{{hugs}}}, and my forgiveness.
“Is there a place for the hopeless sinner who has hurt all mankind just to save his own beliefs? Onelove.”~Bob Marley
I once heard a story about an Australian mother whose daughter was kidnapped, molested, and murdered. On the day of the murderer’s sentencing, the media asked the mother what she thought this criminal should get. Of course, everyone was thinking the electric chair, life in prison, or torture. This mother said, “I think we should give him love, because only someone who was never loved could have done this to my daughter.”
I’m here to offer you love. I don’t care what you look like, where you come from, what you have done or not done. I want you to know that you are loved. We are all one. {{{Hugs}}} Kozo
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